Your book club analogy really resonated with me, I have trouble in groups and do much better one on one with people. Have you thought about asking someone who you were interested in from the book club to lunch for a one to one chat to see if you might click? Then ask another woman from the book club to lunch and see if you can form friendships one at a time from that group. Then over time you would feel more a part of the book club. Just my two cents